My nails are all one length and painted a color called “Bubble Bath.” It’s an old standby that’s pale pinky white and makes my nails look neat and nicer than just bare. I painted them this morning sitting at my desk while I was waiting for everyone to gather for a morning meeting.
And that was the last productive thing I did today.
I left work early and came home to sweep and take Dog for a walk while yet another few people traipsed through my house, judging my home, my furniture, my bedspread. Even though an offer is pending, my realtor believes in covering her bases. Her texts have become plaintive. My responses short. She always ends with “Thanks!”
I have two very close friends right now. It’s weird how they cycle through, isn’t it? I talk to them daily. I think of others often and pick up the phone to dial, to text, to anything. I think of them, and I put the phone down again. Instead, I send random “catch up” emails to people I once knew. People who knew me enough and who I knew enough, too.
I don’t feel very witty or charming or anything right now. Someone told me the other day that I was beautiful, but I don’t feel that either. I don’t feel. I float about in a sort of limbo and wait. Wait for a sign that it’s time to move forward. I’m not sure what that sign is, but I have faith that it will come.
I listen to Faith Hill while I drive in my car and keep forgetting to stop at the gas station or get my car washed or get to the post office before it closes, though I remind myself to do it every day.
I go to Pilates, to work, to the dog park, to the grocer and forget to go to the dry cleaner. But I’ll remember one of these days when I’m out, and I’ll drive thru and make small talk with the son of the owner while I pick up the baseball cap that I dropped off ages ago.
I want to buy an aquarium, to plant some flowers, to get a new couch that doesn’t yet smell like dog. But I can never find an aquarium stand I like, the flowers will die from a late frost before they can take root in the soil, and the couch, like all couches, will end up smelling like Dog – and Febreeze.