Went to Samurai Blue in Ybor City to have some sushi with some friends last night.
We were a group of seven. Karli’s little girl asked me to sit next to her, and since she’d lost her first tooth, I spent much of the evening shelling edamame for her. She’s such a cutie!
I ordered a Ketel Dirty Martini, because I love olives. And I really, really want to like that drink. I mean, how cool is it to be able to say, “I’ll have a Dirty Martini.”? It’s so the drink of the female James Bond. You manage to come off as sexy, sophisticated, and exotic all at the same time. Well, sexy, sophisticated, exotic me managed to drink half of one before she just gave up and ate the olives.
After we’d all shared our sushi rolls and multiple appetizers, we’d ended up with a musical chairs situation. I found myself sitting next to a woman who’s becoming a friend, but we’re still feeling each other out.
“Come out with us and have a drink after,” she’d said.
Tempting, but I’d been up since five in the morning. Plus, this is the first weekend in a month that I’m not leaving town. I have so much to get done, and there’s no room on the list for nursing a hangover.
Somehow we got to talking about dating. In my flurry of activity, I’d managed to ditch all members of my rotation over the past month.
“How did I manage to date three different guys and not like any one of them enough to keep?” I asked her. “Oh, what am I saying? Ignore me. How’re things with you and yours? You two holding it together?”
She’d hit a rough patch last August. Her partner had cheated but she’d ended up staying. They live together, which does tend to make the leaving part harder. But I’d seen them together recently, and they’d seemed good.
She looked at me and said, “I’m moving out in July.”
I said, “Oh,” because I didn’t know what else to say.
I’d looked down and up again to find her still looking at me. “That’s a hard thing to get over,” I told her.
“Eh, we’re good, but yeah, it’s not easy. It’s work. Everyday, it’s work.”
“So, does moving out mean?..” I’d asked.
“I don’t know. We’re taking it one day at a time.”
I’d just nodded.
I’d driven home through downtown Tampa, and popped in a cd I’d burned ages ago. I don’t label my cd’s, so it’s always a surprise to see what’s coming up next. On this one, I had put “Lullaby” and then “Love Song” came on next.
I found myself listening to the lyrics of the Tesla song as I drove home over the river west down Kennedy and thought about how hard it is to leave something that’s just not working. How brave you have to be to believe that you will find someone again. Because you never believe that you will. You don’t think it’s possible, even when the person you’re with is causing you pain, that you’ll find someone to love again, someone who can love you better than this person you’re with now.
I think there’s just something in us that resists change even when we know it’s for the best.