Collateral Damage

Went to see Sharon yesterday for my monthly facial.

“You have no butt,” is what she tells me.

Okay, the whole statement way, “You look fabulous, but you have no butt.”

You know all I heard was, “You have no butt.”

Since I stopped eating meat in August, I’ve become the incredibly shrinking woman.  I feel awesome, but my clothes all hang off me. It’s becoming an issue.

Luckily, my good friend, Sharon, is a personal trainer, so she’s offered to train me – for free. Bless her heart.  I’ll go see her this week and will be on my way to a new and improved butt in no time.


Got a text the other day: I think I have a crush on you.

My response:  Well, how’d that happen?

How does that happen? I mean, come on.  I have no butt.  Still, he’s a super guy, and I, as usual, am thrown into a tailspin.

I agonize over how to handle this. I can deal with crushes with four-legged animals.  The two-legged crush always scares me.  I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  I don’t want to lose a friend.  I’m just not equipped to handle spending time someone who wants more than friendship right now.

Josh weighs in, “Wouldn’t it be worse if they didn’t want to date you?”

Yeah.  Sure.  Of course. But why can’t we just be friends?

Carrie, “You just need to find the right guy.”

Pam, “Most women would kill for your problems, Paige.”

I just want to crawl into my bed and pull the covers up over my head.

Are you rolling you eyes yet?

This is so not a real problem.  Real problems are poverty, starvation, genocide, the economy, and the environment.  But this is my problem.  It’s what I worry about, because, I’m afraid that the fact that it keeps happening speaks to a fundamental lack of self-awareness on my part.

I’m lucky.  I know this.  I do.  I just wish,..  Who does it work out for?  Does anyone ever get to be with the person they’re crazy about?  Should we get to be with the person we’re crazy about?

My grandmother has said, “Don’t marry the one you can’t live without.  Marry the one you can live with.”


Well, yes and no.

I’ve written before about how I ask people how they met their significant others as sort of an icebreaker.  I would say that four out of five times, the story I hear involves the man having been turned down by his girl the first, and sometimes second and third times, he asks her out.  (Weird, huh? Yeah, I’m some sort of dating anthropologist now…)

Everyone tells me love grows, that the person you’re wildly attracted to almost never works out, that you have to give people a chance to grow on you.   Well, everyone has to grow on you.  Even the person you’re crazy about.

This is what scares me, though:

What if I settle down with person that just kind of grew on me, and then, I meet the one I’m crazy about? What do I do then?

I think about this too much.

And I still have no butt.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s