Lazy Boys and Commitment

The only successful romantic relationships I’ve been in, I’ve been tricked into.

By successful, I mean, the relationships just ran their course, and, when I think about the relationship, I remember contentment and happy times without that pang you get somewhere in the pit of your stomach (or is it higher?) when you think about the ex or hear their name.

The last one started like this:

Him: Hey, do you want to go out with me?

Me: We have so much fun together now. Why screw it up?

Him: Okay. Hey, do you want to go check out this movie Friday night?

Me: Oh, yeah, I’ve been wanting to see that movie.

Four months later:

Me: When did you move your Lazy Boy into my living room?

Him: Last weekend when you were out shopping. Don’t you remember when I asked if I could keep it here because I need the room at my place?

Me: Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Him: Hey, do you mind if I keep these clothes here? I don’t have time to swing by my place before I go into work.

You get the picture.

Were I a crustacean, I’d be a crab. I never go at things directly. I move sideways. I zigzag. Especially when it comes to relationships. Even friendships.

I’m notoriously hard to get close to. Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m a people person, baby. But while I let a lot of people near, very few get close. When I do love, I love unconditionally… As long as I feel like I’m free.

The reason I bring this up is that I’ve been accused of being some kind of “Runaway Bride.” Apparently, I throw away perfectly good men because I have a problem with commitment. Now, I’m not sure if it’s a fear of commitment or a fear of abandonment. Maybe it’s a bit of both.

So, I rented a copy of the movie, “Runaway Bride,” to see what this was all about.

First, let me say, I like the movie. BUT I absolutely have not gotten to the altar, ever, only to run off like that. Never. I usually bail way before it gets that far. I have far too much dignity, not to mention, respect for the other person, to put either of us through that kind of humiliation.

Something did ring true, though. (Oh, Spoiler Alert!) When the Julia Roberts character goes to the Richard Gere character at the end of the movie, and she makes that speech about how these guys didn’t really know her because she never knew herself. That makes sense to me.

My mom tells me, when we have conversations about the lack of a permanent partner in my life, that once I’ve done all that I feel like I’m supposed to do, when I finally feel like I can unpack my suitcase and be still, I’ll find the right man to be still with.

Well, I hope so.

In the meantime, those Lazy Boys will probably keep materializing, magically, in and out of my living room. And, every time they do, I’ll probably still be amazed that I never noticed I was in a relationship until it’s time to leave it.

 

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