Matchmaker, Matchmaker

The woman who does my facials is my friend. Her name is Sharon, and I love her dearly. She’s generous to a fault, and always tries to get everyone together to do something fun. She’s just a people person. Sometimes, though, I don’t like her very much. Now, for instance, as we’re competing to see who has the worse experience coming up. She has to get up in front of a bunch of people in only a bikini at a body building competition. I have to get up in front of a group of hostile peers, one of whom is an ex.

My argument is that she volunteered for hers, while mine is a requirement of my job. I won’t go into details. Just suffice it to say, I’m in for roughly six weeks of working with co-workers who are mainly engineers – I’m in Public Relations – as part of an outreach team for Omnicorp. Jack is not part of the group, but he will be present for several meetings, one of which he will run.

I’m not too quick on the uptake, but I believe that some of the hostility I’m feeling from her stems partly from a date I broke with someone she fixed me up with, Scott. I went on exactly one real date with Scott, and the things I’d found out (married, not-quite-ex-girlfriend stripper whose mortgage he’s still paying being, of course, the deal breaker) were enough to send me running for the hills. On top of that fun fact, I’d had to perform the Matrix backbend to avoid the kiss he’d tried at the end of the evening I’d cut short. Ick!

I know Sharon and Scott have talked about me, because she keeps asking how I’m doing and whether or not work has me stressed out. This is, of course, the excuse I gave Scott for breaking our second date. Not that I’d needed an excuse, but I was trying to be nice. Why, oh why, does dishonestly always end up biting you in the butt?

I focus our conversation on her and hope she doesn’t come right out and ask. I just can’t find a tactful way to tell her that I’m too good for this guy, no matter how much money he has. I mean, right?

When I told one of my guy friends about the whole stripper deal, this is what I got:

“Hey, maybe you should be flattered that someone who dates a chick with a rocking body thinks you’re hotter than she is. Did you say this chick was from Brazil? Those women are beautiful.”

I’d considered this briefly, “Hmm,.. Yeah, not so much.”

Know how I can tell Sharon’s angry? Well, there’s this wand she always uses at the end of my facial to kill any bacteria remaining on my skin. It’s got a little electric pulse that feels like ten bees stinging you all at once in the same spot. Usually she uses it sparingly. Today, I get it for a full minute.

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